It’s What Mamas Have to Say Monday! Each Monday, our panel of mommy bloggers weighs in on wacky questions that we – or you – think up. Have a question you want our panel to answer? e-mail it to us at firstname.lastname@example.org. We’ll notify you if your question is selected!
Here’s what mamas are saying today!
Question: What are your suggestions for places to meet new mom friends?
Ah, desperation. There is no other motivator like it, and new moms are nothing if not desperate. The worst thing you can do as a mom is to stay at home and face the challenges alone. Get out. Go. Anywhere. You can meet other desperate totally awesome moms wherever you go. Strike up a conversation at Starbucks, at the playground, at a restaurant changing table, in Target or Babies R Us, in the grocery store. Anywhere. And it’s not as hard as you think. Need some sample mommy pick-up lines? “Wow, great stroller!” “Oh, what a sweet baby! How old is he/she?” “I’m so sorry, but do you have any extra baby wipes? My husband packed the diaper bag…” (insert knowing look here). “Is there anything better than coffee?” A lot of moms out there are looking to connect, so go out there and get some…mom friends that is…
*Shannon Hembree is the co-founder of Mamas Against Drama. You can follow her on Twitter @shannon1hembree.
It’s so important to meet other moms when you have kids. Seriously, like more important than spending time with your husband, parents or inlaws. Find some friends to keep you sane! My favorite places for new mom friends: new mom support groups (find one!); Gymboree-type places; playgrounds.
I once (more than once) followed a woman into Starbucks just because she had a stroller with her. I had a newborn and was desperate for a friend. My advice to new moms is to be forward and honest and relentless when looking for friends. Some will stick, some won’t; but nothing will make your life better like some great mommy friends.
*Wendy writes truthfully about life in New York City with twins plus one at Mama One to Three. She includes many references to wine and coffee. Find her using bad judgment and even worse language on Twitter, @mamaonetothree, and Facebook.
Places to meet new mom friends. Let’s see. With B I remember meeting them at the local library when we had our weekly library story time for the babies. It’s kind of funny for me to look back on now- because I can easily see who was a new mom (like myself) so eager to just get out of the house and talk to someone else who wore breast milk stained tops around all day. I actually met someone who was a neighbor and I’m pretty sure that if I didn’t become pregnant with twins right after that and never left the house again, we would have hung out more.
Moral of the story: if you want to make mom friends do it immediately after birth of your eldest because once you have your second you may never get another chance.
*Farrah finds sporadic moments to jot down her adventures at The Three Under. Her 3.5 year old and 21 month old twins are all boys. Someday she will own nice furniture again. Catch up with what she’s dealing with on Twitter as @momofthreeunder and Facebook.
Oh, gosh. This is a tough question for me. I have moved around so many times in my life – my mail has been sent to over 50 different addresses in 7 different states and two countries. Outside of my husband, I don’t really have a close group of friends. I have a few soul mates – but they live all around the world. I am envious of people that have been friends since kindergarten. Or, are still in the same high school cliques they banded with decades ago. Or has reunions with everyone with whom they went to college. I’ve moved so much that I lost touch with everyone from my past and only recently reconnected via Facebook. Last year I moved clear across the country from Massachusetts to California. And, it seems that the older I get the harder it becomes to make new friends. Most women already have a close knit group and it’s virtually impossible to crack into. They may tolerate you for a large get together or something – but BFFs are not in the itinerary. Even still I keep trying to make new friends. I cozy up to moms at my daughter’s school. I blab with people at the club. I am friendly with people at my husband’s job. I’m still waiting to meet my new girlie BFF – because my besties live 3000 miles away. So, if you’re looking for a smart ass, coffee addicted, flip flop wearing friend that curses like a truck driver – reach out. I need a posse of ladies to get into trouble with that are closer than a 6 hour flight away…
*Tracy Winslow is one of the top four funniest people at her address. She lives with her husband and two daughters in California. You can read more of their hilarious antics at http://www.momaical.com and follow her @Momaical and http://www.facebook.com/momaicalblog
Laura Bedingfield Herakovich
Once my boys started school, I realized that the best place to troll the pond for new friends was, obviously, where they were spending the most time: at the school (or on the baseball field). Volunteering to help out with events at the various schools my sons have attended has been an unending conduit to finding wonderful, new friends. So my advice is this: step it up. You have to be a friend to have a friend; help out when someone (or some team) asks and you’ll be amazed at how much fun it really is. And then, after the work is done, you’ll also be amazed at how many new friends you’ve made.
*Laura Bedingfield Herakovich is the mother of three rambunctious, yet adorable boys. You can read her personal blog at http://www.jtandtheob.com/
Living in a foreign country and being affiliated with the military (when we really aren’t affiliated with them) makes for a challenge on the friend making front. I have recently made some new friends with other mother’s that have children in the same class as Evans at preschool. Not only have I made some new friends, I also get to take E to school three days a week and have a couple hours to myself! I’d highly suggest it! I have also recently joined a Mother’s of Preschoolers group (MOPS) and while I’m not sure if it is exactly “my thing”, I am going to stick it out and see if I can’t come out on the other side with a few more solid friend prospects! Living in Atlanta for my whole life really spoiled me by having all my life-long friends around all the time.
*Sarah Deaner is ex patriot living in the land of sauerkraut and bratwurst. She is a STHM to her two year old son. When she is not out and about being yelled at by Germans, Sarah can be found at www.gleatieanddeaner.blogspot.com and Sarah Gleaton Deaner on Facebook
The most important thing I’ve learned about making mom friends is this: You can’t base your friendship around your kids being friends with each other. I made my first mom friends at baby playgroup and all of our babies were “friends” and played happily together. When they got be around four or five, our children started making new friends at their different schools and lost interest in each other. Now at eight (!), my oldest daughter doesn’t want to play with ANY of these original baby friends (they are all boys and into totally different things), but I’m still friends with the moms. Things were definitely easier when our kids wanted to play together and we could sit back and talk, but I’m so glad we stuck together after our kids stopped being friends. I don’t know how I would have made it this far without them.
*Sarah Knight is co-founder of Mamas Against Drama and met one of her best friends at the bookstore eight years ago when their baby girls waddled over to each other. You can follow her on Twitter at @sarahsknight.
That’s all the mamas have to say this week. Check back next Monday for another wacky (and yet profound and insightful…) round of answers from the mamas!