We’ll Leave the Glitter on the Toilet for You

by Shannon Hembree on September 28, 2012

You know how Motel 6 has that slogan, “We’ll leave the light on for you”? Well, with the anticipated onslaught of visitors we are expecting this holiday season, I am putting together a list of how Hotel Hembree stacks up against Motel 6. It seems only fair, since our guests may not know what they are getting themselves into with their stay here.

So here goes…

  • At Hotel Hembree, our madness makes you better appreciate your madness.
  • Teenage girls (allegedly) go to motels and wind up pregnant, but here they get a lesson in the importance of birth control.
  • Motel 6 may leave the light on for you, but my kids will put the red glitter glue on the toilet seat for you (not kidding).
  • A penny saved by staying with us, is a penny earned…the hard way…
  • We do morning wake-up calls…delivered by twin toddlers…jumping on your bed.
  • The bathroom used by our potty training toddlers may be revolting challenging to the senses, but it is a slight step above the bathroom in the Motel 6 where there was a rockin’ party last night.
  • At other hotels, it is probably frowned upon for the people milling about to ask guests if they have a penis or a vagina. Here, it is commonplace.
  • For VIP guests, we offer the service of having three children sample your food…you know…to make sure it is safe to eat. (Note, they may put food back on your plate after it has been tested).
  • Our toddlers will delight in introducing you to the local wildlife by handing you things like…snakes.
  • Here, you don’t need to fret if you spill something on the furniture or the floor. It’s already been peed on and spit up on more times than you can count. So snuggle on in and get comfy.

That’s my initial cut. I’ll no doubt tweak it before the peak holiday season hits. And until then, just know…we’ll leave the glitter on the toilet for you (at no extra charge).

Shannon Hembree is a SAHM for a first grader and twin toddlers. She has nothing against Motel 6 and actually loves their slogan. She would love them even more if they offered her a free night’s stay in a sound-proof room with a comfy bed so she could get just one night of solid sleep uninterrupted by cranky toddlers. You can follow her on Twitter @Shannon1Hembree.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Mary Hembree September 28, 2012 at 8:50 am

And a very welcoming Hembree Hotel it is!!

PS…still have a little bit of glitter left on my butt!

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Shannon September 28, 2012 at 9:09 am

There is still some on the toilet seat. It is going away litle by little with each guest that passes through ;)

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Alexandra September 28, 2012 at 10:56 am

I love this! …and I may have to visit your house, not only for the hospitality, and to share a glass (or four) of wine, but for the twin birth control, as we are considering another round of IVF this fall… ;)

I still run around like a chicken with my head cut off cleaning, sanitizing, pitching broken toys, etc… two days before a visit, in a vain attempt to disguise my SAHM failings to my parents, relatives, in-laws and friends… I feel like since I stay home, I should be a modern-day Martha Stewart (at least on the outside). However, this Christmas I may just let it all hang out… (and hope my in-laws don’t call DCFS behind my back) :)

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Shannon September 28, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Oh great…now I feel compelled to say it…twins really are wonderful :)

So, if you decide to take another chance this fall…email me, and I will tell you my secrets…like accupuncture…yoga…and meditation…(none of which I have kept up with). Fair warning – the other person I told my secrets to wound up with twins as well…had lunch with her today as a matter of fact!

And as for the mess in your house. My theory is: the less perfect it is when they come for a visit — the less they will expect perfection next time ;)

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