You know how Motel 6 has that slogan, “We’ll leave the light on for you”? Well, with the anticipated onslaught of visitors we are expecting this holiday season, I am putting together a list of how Hotel Hembree stacks up against Motel 6. It seems only fair, since our guests may not know what they are getting themselves into with their stay here.
So here goes…
- At Hotel Hembree, our madness makes you better appreciate your madness.
- Teenage girls (allegedly) go to motels and wind up pregnant, but here they get a lesson in the importance of birth control.
- Motel 6 may leave the light on for you, but my kids will put the red glitter glue on the toilet seat for you (not kidding).
- A penny saved by staying with us, is a penny earned…the hard way…
- We do morning wake-up calls…delivered by twin toddlers…jumping on your bed.
- The bathroom used by our potty training toddlers may be revolting challenging to the senses, but it is a slight step above the bathroom in the Motel 6 where there was a rockin’ party last night.
- At other hotels, it is probably frowned upon for the people milling about to ask guests if they have a penis or a vagina. Here, it is commonplace.
- For VIP guests, we offer the service of having three children sample your food…you know…to make sure it is safe to eat. (Note, they may put food back on your plate after it has been tested).
- Our toddlers will delight in introducing you to the local wildlife by handing you things like…snakes.
- Here, you don’t need to fret if you spill something on the furniture or the floor. It’s already been peed on and spit up on more times than you can count. So snuggle on in and get comfy.
That’s my initial cut. I’ll no doubt tweak it before the peak holiday season hits. And until then, just know…we’ll leave the glitter on the toilet for you (at no extra charge).
Shannon Hembree is a SAHM for a first grader and twin toddlers. She has nothing against Motel 6 and actually loves their slogan. She would love them even more if they offered her a free night’s stay in a sound-proof room with a comfy bed so she could get just one night of solid sleep uninterrupted by cranky toddlers. You can follow her on Twitter @Shannon1Hembree.