What Mamas Have to Say Monday

by Guest Author on August 20, 2012

It’s What Mamas Have to Say Monday! Each Monday, our panel of mommy bloggers weighs in on wacky questions that we – or you – think up. Have a question you want our panel to answer? e-mail it to us at info@mamasagainstdrama.com. We’ll notify you if your question is selected!

Here’s what mamas are saying today!

Question: What is your go-to mommy curse word or phrase?

Shannon Hembree

When a reader submitted this question, I thought, “Oh fiddlesticks!” Okay, that’s not entirely true – I really thought, “Oh f*ck – my secret is going to hit the streets. I try not to curse in front of my kids (doesn’t everyone?), so I can sometimes be heard muttering things like, “Oh sugar!” or “Fudge!” You might think I go this route because I am an extraordinary cook and am returning to my roots in a moment of anger or frustration. You would be wrong. I can’t cook, and I don’t like being in the kitchen, but the gods of cursing have a funny sense of humor when it comes to putting alternative curse words in your mouth.

I do, on rare occasions, lose my cool and blurt out something like “Oh f*ck.” Thankfully, however, my daughter has never picked up on it, and my twins are only three, so a) they don’t get it, and b) when they repeat it, no one can really understand them. For example, when we were at the playground and one shouted, “Oh Buck!” I laughed nervously and explained that we read a book about animals earlier in the day. Did the other moms believe me? Who knows, but they likely had enough cursing mishaps in their own closet that they didn’t feel compelled to call me out on mine.

And now, if you will excuse me, I need to go re-spackle the holes the boys made in the walls. I spackled them yesterday, but the boys poked their fingers in it and made new holes before it was dry. And yes, when I saw what they had done, you might say that a whole herd of bucks could be heard running through our house.

*Shannon Hembree is the co-founder of Mamas Against Drama. She hates the thought of cursing, but finds it strangely satisfying in just the right situation. You can follow her on Twitter @shannon1hembree.

Sarah Knight

The main time this is an issue for me is while driving with the kids. It’s not my fault — the drivers in my city (Atlanta) are AWFUL.

So when someone cuts me off and the kids are in the car, I mutter “You jerk!” — which I realize is not perfect, but is much better than what I shout when the kids are not in the car: “YOU F*CKING *SSHOLE!”

*Sarah Knight is co-founder of Mamas Against Drama and believes that Atlanta would be a much better place if everyone USED THEIR TURN SIGNALS. You can follow her on Twitter at @sarahsknight.

Wendy Bradford

Wow, I so admire moms who don’t curse. I know it’s horrible, but I do curse in front of the kids if I’m angry enough. I am not defending it but it’s true — and I have to be that. I often say “Oh SH*T!” when I forget something, or drop something, or see their mess, etc. My kids have, on occasion, repeated this to me.

*Wendy writes truthfully about life in New York City with twins plus one at Mama One to Three. She includes many references to wine and coffee. Find her using bad judgment and even worse language on Twitter, @mamaonetothree, and Facebook.

Tracy Winslow

My go-to swear is always “dammit” so I tend to go with “Oh, dear…” when the need to curse arises. However, several years ago my daughter “cursed” by saying “Oh cracker!” and it has stuck. It’s almost as satisfying to say as swearing!

*Tracy Winslow is a mother of two young girls who should be lawyers or criminal masterminds. When she’s not crying in her coffee about her stretch marks she can be found pretending she knows how to do yoga. Live vicariously through her craziness at www.momaical.com, and please follow her on Facebook and Twitter @Momaical.

ML Philpott

Good question. I enjoy discussing this topic. I do believe that even if you’re a filthy-mouthed excuse for a lady (and by “you’re,” I mean “I’m”), it’s best to keep it clean around the kids.

I tried substitutes for a while but just couldn’t get the hang of them. In the heat of moment, I could never seem to make the switch properly… My feeble brain would try to sub in, “Oh, fuzz buckets!” but somehow the bad-word reflex would get triggered, and what would come out instead would be something like, “Oh, buzz fuckers!” — which not only fails to suppress the profanity but also makes no sense. (Buzz fuckers? Are those… bee fetishists?) So it seems to work better around here to keep the profanity turned all the way off, including substitutes, when little ones are around.

The only faux curse word that has stuck at our house is “shazam.” I actually stopped saying it, because it sounded so goofy; but then my kids picked it up, and now we all say it. We sound like a bunch of wizards.

*ML has a son and daughter who are both, thankyoujesus, past diaper age. She is a freelance writer and editor, as well as the author of the humor column, I Miss You When I Blink. Follow along on Twitter (@wheniblink) and Facebook.

Laura Herakovich

I’m certain I’m going to come in on the wrong side on this one. Let me preface by saying one of my favorite shows is the great James Lipton’s Inside The Actor’s Studio. On it, James sits down with successful actors and interviews them with some decidedly cut-to-the-chase questions, one of which is always, “What is your favorite curse word?” When Gwyneth Paltrow, dressed in a sharp suit and with her hair pulled back in a classic, low pony-tail, smiled coyly and dropped the F-bomb, I knew she and I could be pals (her show aired in March of 2001, way before that Goop nonsense, btw).

Cursing for me is not necessarily taboo around my children (but I don’t constantly go around peppering their world with a barrage of 4-letter words either, so don’t worry!). There are a few words, however, that I will never, not ever, not in a million years, utter (the first name of that Russian punk band, for instance, “G.D.,” and the disgustingly repulsive racial slur sometimes ignorantly used to describe African-Americans, to name a few); woe unto any child of mine who ever speaks those atrocities. But I do have a few chestnuts lodged in my vocabulary: ones that are muttered under my breath when a child bashes into my car with his bicycle (“dammit!”) and ones that might find their way into the air when the dog pulls a freshly baked birthday cake off the counter (thank you, Gwyneth). Otherwise, I think I just growl a lot. Yes, really.

*Laura Bedingfield Herakovich is the mother of three rambunctious, yet adorable boys. You can read her personal blog at http://www.jtandtheob.com/

Sarah Deaner

I have not been forced into creating a secret code cuss word yet but since my almost two year old said “Damn” yesterday when something didn’t go his way, I think it’s time to re-think my language!  “Damn” is definitely not the worst thing that he could have picked up from me so I guess I’m lucky he chose one not completely “R” rated!

*Sarah Deaner is ex patriot living in the land of sauerkraut and bratwurst. She is a SAHM to her two year old son. When she is not out and about being yelled at by Germans, Sarah can be found at www.gleatieanddeaner.blogspot.com and Sarah Gleaton Deaner on Facebook.

Jennifer Griffin

“Shucks!” is mine, mostly because It helps cover up when I curse for real.

*Jennifer Griffin is the mother of two very active and very adorable little boys.

Farrah Ritter

I say ‘For The Love Of All That’s HOLY!!’ and have to laugh as I can hear my 3.5 year old finish it with me.

*Farrah finds sporadic moments to jot down her adventures at The Three Under. Her 3.5 year old and 21 month old twins are all boys. Someday she will own nice furniture again. Catch up with what she’s dealing with on Twitter as @momofthreeunder and Facebook.

That’s all the mamas have to say this week. Check back next Monday for another wacky (and yet profound and insightful…) round of answers from the mamas!

Read previous What Mamas Have to Say Monday posts!

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Farrah August 20, 2012 at 8:13 am

Sarah- no idea how you do it. We drive around ATL occasionally and omg. I’d be in prison for homicidal rage.
My favorites here are ‘buzz fuckers’ (which may be defeating the purpose but it sounds awesome) and ‘shazam’. I think if I said that enough times something might actually happen to help me over here- like ‘Shazam! Clean up this mess!!’.. etc.

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Shannon August 20, 2012 at 8:37 am

If you figure out how to Shazam yourself into a cleaner house or something along those lines — by all means let me know!!!

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