Almost Famous

by Sarah Knight on August 17, 2012

A few days ago, Jennifer Aniston got engaged to Justin Theroux. This affected me personally because I have a past relationship with Jennifer Aniston’s fiancé. I have slept at Justin Theroux’s house many times. He has also slept at my house. We have spent countless hours in each other’s company.

It’s a great story. The tabloids would have a field day: “Justin’s Life Before Jen!” “Mystery Woman from Justin’s Past!” “Sleepovers at Theroux’s House!”

But the problem is that it’s just ALMOST a great story.

I haven’t seen Justin since he was 12. In elementary school, I was friends with his sister and he was friends with my brother. We weren’t friends with EACH OTHER. In my memory, Justin was a vague presence who mildly annoyed me (as all of my brother’s friends mildly annoyed me). I rarely spoke to him except to tell him to leave me and my friend alone while we were playing. Once we all went to junior high and separate schools, the friendships drifted apart.

Lately, all of my stories seem like ALMOST great stories. I took the girls to eat lunch at the Varsity in Atlanta last month and we arrived just moments after President Obama left. The buzz was still in the air, but it was just a buzz. The president wasn’t actually still there.

Two weeks ago, we went to Disney World and Tom Cruise and Suri were there. Other people spotted them, but we did not. The girls did not befriend Suri and we did not get to spend the night in the Cinderella castle with them.

Even my brief appearance on CNN last month was just almost a great story. I was only on for the last minute of the segment, they only showed me saying one sentence that didn’t technically make sense, and they didn’t actually mention our website.

However, I did get recognized one time. When I was going home one night, I said goodbye to the security guard at work and he said that he had seen me on TV. I was about to correct him and explain that it must have been someone else but then he said, “I saw you on CNN.”

It WAS me! I had my very first fan! However, he wasn’t exactly a fan. He didn’t say anything else or seem too interested. He just stated it as a fact. He was my ALMOST fan!

Still it was something. And “almost” is better than nothing. And who knows? Maybe Justin saw that CNN segment. If he did, he probably turned to Jen and said, “I KNOW HER! We lived in the same neighborhood! We went to Lafayette together! I was friends with her brother Alex! She was friends with my sister!” Then Jen probably got really jealous and insecure (after all, I was featured as a “Mom Not Having it All” on national TV).

After Justin reassured her, he probably muttered to himself, “Damn. It’s ALMOST a great story.”

Sarah Knight understands that her friend and website co-founder, Shannon, will totally not get this post. Shannon has no interest in celebrities and once WOULD NOT STAY AND STARE AT HARRISON FORD when she was eating lunch with the author and Harrison Ford sat down at the table next to them. Many years later, Sarah is still in shock from this fact.

 

{ 16 comments }

Shannon August 17, 2012 at 6:54 am

Ha ha ha – Sarah, that is not the only time I have baffled friends with this non-celeb interest. To be honest, those magazines about celebs creep me out a bit. But let me tell you — the latest edition of Writers Digest arrived in the mail yesterday, and I got all giddy upon its arrival (because that’s the sort of exciting life I lead). And if it makes you feel better, if we were at lunch today, and Harrison Ford sat down next to us, I would sit and stare…although it would likely be more from the fact that I was too sleep-deprived and exhausted to move from my seat.

Sarah Knight August 17, 2012 at 5:31 pm

I’m just happy to know that you would sit with me. It’s OK if it’s just due to sleep deprivation.

Shannon August 17, 2012 at 6:57 am

Ack — one of my boys just banged on the computer, and this posted before I was ready — not sure that has ever happened before and hope it never happens again! That could be dicey! Anyway — loved this post btw!

Sarah Knight August 17, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Thanks! And I will take accidental comments!

Farrah August 17, 2012 at 8:04 am

I think this is awesome! Sure they’re ‘almost’ stories, but still stories nonetheless. You need to be jealous though- because today I AM meeting Thomas the Tank and (my crush) Sir Topham Hatt. Don’t hate. I’ll get their autograph for you :)

Alexandra August 17, 2012 at 10:18 am

Farrah, we are heading to see him in September; I better get back to pilates! I hope he is as friendly as he “seems” on the show… with those uber-celebrities, you never know…

Sarah Knight August 17, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Thanks! And I just Googled “Sir Topham Hatt” because I’ve never seen Thomas (my girls like trains, but never watch it). I can see why you are excited! He is quite a sharp dresser! ;)

Alexandra August 17, 2012 at 10:16 am

Sarah, I’m with you on this one… Sorry, Shannon! ;) In my “almost famous” story I almost abandoned my children TWICE to fly to see my husband on business trips where he played poker with Nick Lachey and recently hung with Natalie Morales and David Beckham at a trendy bar in L.A. Apparently, being very nonchalant towards celebrity attracts them like flies; HE could not care less. I, on the other hand, can only sit in my day 2 yoga pants and dream…

Sarah Knight August 17, 2012 at 5:40 pm

David Beckham?!? Alexandra, please DM me on Twitter the next time something like that happens. I will go with you. ;)

Shannon August 19, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Sarah, as Alexandra just pointed out, it was clearly my nonchalant attitude that brought Harrison Ford so close to us anyway. May I suggest that you pay for me to go with you on a girls’ weekend to LA. I will bring a book to read at our table while you scope out the talent I attract ;)

Supriya August 17, 2012 at 1:22 pm

OMG, you sat next to Harrison Ford!? Now that’s a story! ;)

You are hilarious, Sarah! Loved this post!! If I were you, mama, I’d add a dose of drama to the Justin story. Just a dash. I’m almost certain Jennifer reminds him on you…

Sarah Knight August 17, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Thank you! I’m so glad you understand about Harrison Ford. I had to sit all by myself and stare. And, yes, I sat there until he finally left. You do what you have to do.

Supriya August 17, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Uh, I meant OF you…

Sarah Knight August 17, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Probably both. ;)

Anne Knight August 18, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Actually you are just totally hilarious and COOL ! Justin, Harrison and Tom……….eat your hearts out!

Tracy W August 19, 2012 at 10:23 pm

I will totally stare at celebrities and live almost lives with you! Let me know when you want to gawk together!
Tracy

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