Sometimes my mind takes sick and twisted turns. There’s no rhyme or reason to the direction it takes. There’s no trying to understand it. It just is.
I had one of those moments yesterday. The boys were running around the house in their underwear (we continue to plod along in the ongoing battle to potty train the twins). My elder twin was shouting to my younger twin that I was going to get mashed up in the recycling truck. My younger twin was clinging to me and telling me he didn’t want me to get mashed up in the recycling truck. And there I was in the middle of it playing part therapist/part referee.
Not that a philosophical debate over why I won’t get mashed up in a recycling truck isn’t mentally engaging, but let’s just say that my mind began to wander. And because in stay-at-home momdom, you sometimes don’t have a lot of adult-focused intellectual stimulation, I began to wonder not about the path to world peace, but about what would have happened if the Disney princesses were real. Would they really have lived happily ever after? With the current divorce rate hovering around 50% and current levels of crazy at an all-time high, it’s not likely.
You might think that that train of thought would be enough of a distraction, but it wasn’t. After the kids went to bed, I couldn’t help myself. I took out my daughter’s Disney princesses and had my way with them. Yes, I’ll confess. I posed them, I photographed them, and gave them new identities. And I’m not ashamed to say that I found it highly entertaining. And I’m not ashamed to say that I can’t figure out now if it is funny or just insanely twisted…or maybe both. So I am leaving it up to you all to decide.
*Warning: princesses below are depicted in situations that may disturb, upset, and otherwise offend Disney fans…and perhaps others as well.
So here we go…If the Disney princesses were “real,” here is where I envision they would be today…
Snow White: Realizing that she has been in love with Bashful all along, she makes a hasty getaway in a tow truck whose grasp of the English language is tenuous at best. Dad-gum that Mater.
Jasmine: Finally recognizing that skinny is totally overrated, she dives headfirst into a giant jar of Nutella in an attempt to become a normal-sized woman.
Aurora: Deciding that women really can kick ass in sports, she leads her team to victory in its quest for the Stanley Cup.
Ariel: Bitter at having to sacrifice her true self to be with her man, she drowns her sorrows in typical miserable housewife fashion.
Cinderella: Upon learning that she is pregnant with twins, she has a heart attack. Her friends nod when they hear the news. They knew she was not up to the task.
Mrs. Potts (yes, we know she is technically not a princess): Realizing that bigger really is better, she finds her own Mr. Big. And he prefers wearing pink.
So there you have it. I make no apologies for the path my mind takes when it goes off on its own. Plus, I’m really tired. Mom tired. And you have to admit, deciding twisted fates for princesses is a bit more interesting than contemplating whether or not I will be mashed up in the recycling truck. Although some days, that too, has its appeal.