Ah, sweet summer. Beach trips. Family reunions. Picnics poolside. Catching fireflies. Quality family time and memories to keep forever. Is it over yet?
As I write, I’m on our second family trip of the season. And, while there are lots of positives, I can’t help thinking, as my child sobs uncontrollably about not being allowed to sleep in his cousin’s room because they stay up too late and the next day is a nightmare, “Is it over yet?”
Here are some of the top reasons I need a vacation from this summer vacation. What about you? Got any reasons to add to the list?
Hellacious hotels. Besides stray hairs in the “clean” bathtub or even on the ceiling, yes, the ceiling, sometimes accommodations are so horrid they’re actually double booked. When you have two sets of twins in tow. True story. It happened this week to a friend. Good grief. Sometimes there’s nothing better than your own bed. And a good, strong can of Lysol.
Sleep? Did someone say sleep? I am not sure how it is possible that our entire family returns home from vacation sleep deprived. But it happens. Every. Time. Thanks to forgotten night-lights, bumpy mattresses, noisy neighbors, 5 a.m. sunrises, achy tummies, hang nails. You name it. It’s a reason not to sleep.
Can I eat yet? If I hear my child ask this question again, I might eat him. Does he have a tapeworm? Here’s the deal, kid: An adult will tell you when it’s time to eat. Please. Don’t. Ask. Again.
Boo-boos. Somehow a child’s body knows it is on vacation and becomes twice as clumsy as normal. I’m fairly certain my daughter has fallen and scraped her knees at every rest stop between Georgia and Florida. And then please be sure, as the adult in charge, that NO bath water, ocean water or rain water touch the life-threatening scrapes until they are completely healed.
Stuff. If you have two kids and so for your beach vacation purchased two shovels – one purple and one green – then you are screwed. Because both kids will want the purple shovel, the green shovel will be sucked away in the ocean current, and both kids will end up with sand thrown in their faces as they scream about the purple shovel. Because the sand in their faces temporarily blinds them, they won’t see the jellyfish in the shallow water. The jellyfish will sting them. They will scream more. You will take sweet pleasure in homeopathically healing them by peeing on their stung feet. Because they sort of deserve to be peed on. For fighting over the purple shovel.
Editor/writer Brooke Bernard (www.twitter.com/BrookeBBlogs) needs a vacation with just adults. Soon.