By Farrah Ritter
Annnndddd We Have a Biter
Oh no. I feel like we just got over this hump with my oldest and now it’s time for the twins to take a turn. If you’ve been through this you know- it’s a phase that really stinks for everyone involved- namely the poor victim of the biter, and you just hope that it passes quickly.
My oldest child will be three on Friday- and he got over the biting thing last summer. It was awful. It reared itself up when the twins were pretty little still, and lasted for a while. I knew logically that there were many reasons why he was doing it- and I just had to do whatever I could to try and help us all get through it.
Who could blame him? His life had just been turned upside down when he realized that the two previously harmless babies could suddenly crawl and take his toys. My oldest grew frustrated with being two and having these brothers invade his space. He couldn’t articulate what was bothering him- so he did it the only way he knew how- to bite. There were a couple of times that he got so angry at me he bit my shoulder – I was always shocked that he had hurt me..and my very shocked and hurt reaction usually made him feel worse. I was fumbling with how to deal with it.
The very last time he bit anyone we were upstairs in the hallway and the three boys were playing under a blanket. I was standing nearby recording the video with my phone. To my absolute shock- one of the boys (L, always poor L) started wailing that familiar cry- and I knew. So yes, I have my child ON CAMERA biting the back of one of his brothers. It was demoralizing and just upset me to the core. I freaked out- I grabbed B by his arm and took him to his room where I shut the door. I was shaking I was so angry.
That was the last time B bit anyone. And now here we are with L. He’s only 16 months old- which is sooner than B started the biting thing, but that doesn’t surprise me. Both twins also started walking much earlier than B- they had a teacher after all! So, here we go.
So far, it has only happened once. I was in the living room the other day and heard the slow, winding wail that got louder and louder- which signified a delayed and dragged out bite. Sure enough- it was on B’s thumb. Of course the irony here did not escape me, as B was known to bite L’s toes from time to time- so although I felt awful at the whole thing, part of me was like ‘See! It hurts, doesn’t it!?!?!’ But of course I only said that in my head.
B was shocked at what had happened, and I filled with dread. I am not ready to go through this again. I want to do a better job containing/preventing/stopping it. I also don’t need C to either jump in on the biting or end up a victim. Worst case scenario is that B starts biting again and then all three of them are their own version of Twilight. Ok readers…what do I do about this?!?!?!?
How did you handle the biting phase? What tricks or tips can you give me and my boys?
Farrah finds sporadic moments to jot down her adventures at The Three Under. Her 3 year old and 15 month old twins are all boys. Someday she will own nice furniture again. Catch up with what she’s dealing with on Twitter as @momofthreeunder and Facebook.
{ 19 comments }
We went through this as well. Someone suggested the book, “Mouths are Not for Biting.” (Side note, we also have “Hands are Not for Hitting,” if that is any indication of our current phase). Our pediatrician recommended timeouts in their cribs where you explain what they did wrong, very slowly turn your back on them and leave. We also had some success with, “If you want to bite someone, bite yourself.” They started biting their own hand when they got frustrated, which was better than biting a sibling. A couple people actually told me to have the other one “bite them back.” That was never on our gameplan, but just fyi, both boys bit each other back and forth anyway, so I don’t put any stock in that theory. Sadly, the only thing that really seemed to help was time. They have gone in and out of the phase, but thankfully, nothing was as bad as the initial one. Good luck!
Thank you! Yes, as with my oldest it seems like time was what did the trick. I don’t know if I would rather C to also be biting right now or if it’s better that they all do it one at a time. Because this kind of totally sucks.
I am totally checking out those books. Did you feel since you were putting them in a time out in their cribs that they would start to associate negative feelings with their room? Just wondering. My hubs and I discuss that all the time. I want them to enjoy their room but sometimes I need them to be away….from me….:)
Kerry- we did not do time out in their bedroom for just that reason- at least my oldest- BUT we did the time of that ‘horrible’ bite. i don’t know what I’ll do when the other two need it!
I know! It’s so stressful! I have sent my girls to their room for the big things, about 3 or 4 times but I try to stick to a corner or take away. Parenting is such a drinkable sport! Keep wine on hand is all I say!
Our pediatrician was actually the one who suggested timeout in the cribs. Have no idea if putting them in timeout in their room is a good idea or not…but we do it with our twins when they need to be separated. One goes in their room where we can lock the baby gate and one goes in a chair in the corner where we can supervise. It’s the only way I have figured out to do it with both of the boys at the same time. I started out with them in opposite corners of the dining room, but they were giggling at each other in timeout, so we went with what worked.
My first daughter was a biter — and especially liked to bite new kids that she just met. It was pretty awful and I was scared to take her out. Then, I had the idea to teach her to kiss instead of bite — it was less painful and much more socially acceptable.
It totally worked for us. Good luck!
ohhh luckily my girls never really got into biting anyone but each other and us. BUT I do love that idea!!! Stealing!
Oh my gosh, how sweet is that?!?!?!??! I would love it..but alas. I cannot imagine them doing that with each other. A mom can deam though, right?? I love this idea!
UGH the biting! I was always terrible at dealing with it esp when i was already beat down by the kids. I was terrible when they would bite me always on my shoulder when I was holding them and the shock and pain would always cause me to almost drop them. No matter what they got a time out, little bite, big bite I didn’t care. Luckily I don’t recall that being too horrible of a phase. Maybe because I only have the twins so they went threw the phase together and just bite each other. haha I think the worst part is the excited bite because they don’t realize they are doing it they are just all caught up in the fun of wrestling and wham! you’re bit! Ouch.
Agree! The excited/happy/omgiwanttoburtst bite. I think that’s what my oldest did to his brother the time on his back. It’s just so sad to watch because you know someone is getting hurt in the process
awww I know….and to add to the excitement of it all I am a very over the top excitable person so mix that (of course not the mellow part of their Daddy) and the usual chaos of a toddler and it’s a mess! But on the bright side that injured child is coming to crawl in your lap for a good 10 minutes. ahhh snuggles!
I had a conversation with a mom this weekend, who said that her pediatrician told her to bite her child back (WTF?!) to show him what it felt like – and her child was very young. The insanity of that advice aside, I think it did the trick. But, as with a lot of other things, sometimes you just have to keep reinforcing, and time will take care of it. It seems like hell while you’re going through it, but you will get there.
I have heard that- I just can’t imagine doing it! And to be honest, there is no way I want to have a total bitefest on my hands. Oh my. Can you imagine?!?!? Thanks for the support- we’ll get there someday!
Yup, been there on the biting. Hang in there. The good thing is it doesn’t last forever. The bad part is that it may seem like it does. Time helps though — and coffee…and chocolate…
Never enough coffee…never enough chocolate! Thanks for the kind words
Oh, friend! That is so hard. We went through it (briefly, thankfully) and it really freaked me out, too. Our ped told us to immediately lavish attention on the kid who was bit. It seemed to help. I hope this passes quickly for you!!
Me too! These darned kids. If it’s not one thing, it’s another! Kissing hurt fingers and toes I can do. Thanks for supporting, friend!
My son wasn’t the biter, he was the bitten. He used to come home from daycare with bites on his back (through the clothes) and on his arm (sometimes through clothes, sometimes not). I didn’t think it was that big a deal (it’s a phase!) until one really traumatized him and he didn’t want to go to daycare anymore. The teachers were more upset than I was up until then.
My daughter went through a short phase of biting others, then she started biting her own fingers. Also a short phase, thank goodness!
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